The Search for Words

There is a certain beauty with new places that is hard to describe. They can offer fresh opportunities and hold adventures undiscovered. They can provide a chance to meet people with different lives and views than those we are used to. Free from memories and ghosts of the past, they can also become the ideal place for those longing for a new beginning.
Yes, the reasons for packing our bags and leaving our friends and loved ones behind can indeed vary, and be as exciting as it is frightening.

Like most things in life the causes are subjective to the individual, nevertheless the search for something new, something beyond what we already know or posses seems to be a shared sentiment among those willing to replace the comfort of their homes with uncertainty.

As I open my eyes, I am surrounded by bright white light beaming through the large windows. My studio apartment on the 23rd floor in the city of eternal fog reminds me that, I am miles away from home. Outside, a big advertisement sign blinks in sharp red, beautiful Chinese characters send out a message I cannot decipher. I get up and make Wulong tea, a special Chinese herb tea that I have become fond of, and as I sit down by my desk, it strikes me again; I am in Wuhan, China. A city few Westerners outside China have ever heard of. Still, the same city has played a significant role in the Chinese history. Situated in the middle of China by the Yangtze River (Yellow river- Chinas largest river) it has been an important location throughout time and at one point even considered to be the capital of China.

However, as interesting and intriguing China was to me, it was not the historical facts that had brought me here. Neither was the itch for travelling that had always been a part of me.
From the day I had graduated from University I had a mission, to publish a novel I had started during my creative writing degree. I had it all figured out, I had even managed to awaken the interest of a respected publisher. I was on my way to conquer the world. Except the world had no intentions of getting conquered by me. Circumstances beyond my control rolled in and left me with blank pages. Inspiration fled its way, leaving behind a dry pen. I kept staring at the white page day after day as fear and doubt settled. My belief in my writing began to wane. The praises from the days of University vanished into the sea of uncertainty and I found myself ready to give up my dreams, abandon writing for once and for all. It was during this time filled with self pity that I received an email about teaching English in China.

As I stepped off the plane in Wuhan and inhaled the warm air, a big lump started to grow in my throat. What had I done? Leaving family and friends behind, moving to a place so different from anything I had ever known before.
The first few weeks I was tantalized by the differences, the spicy food that reminded me nothing of the Chinese restaurants back home, the squat over toilets, the exclusive smell of Wuhanese fried tofu (dóu fŭ) so potent it almost burns the nose to even smell. At last but not least the endless curious eyes that followed me wherever I went. The feeling of loneliness poured over me and covered every inch of my body. I was the fish out of water.

Yet, somehow it was in this pond of despondency that I started to fill the blank pages, in this world where I could not understand a word, the words that I thought had abandoned me returned and started to fill the empty pages. I am still struggling at times. But what I learned is that sometimes in order to pursue some dreams, we need to abandon them and leave them behind.

Do something we perhaps never thought about before and challenge ourselves. Because the truth is that we never know what life has in store for us. Some call that the excitement of human existence, the uncertainty, the fact that no matter how hard we try there are things that we cannot control. Every now and then we need to let go and let the wind take us where it pleases.

By Jasmine Heydari

Photos courtesy of Mr. Christopher Michael Arthurs

Acknowledgements / Recommendations